The Examined Illness. A Philosopher’s Confrontation with Deadly Disease

A visceral personal memoir of being seriously unwell – and the consolations of philosophy during sickness.

Being a patient is part of being alive. Disease and serious illness often strike randomly, and when they do, we quickly become subject to the impersonal forces of biochemistry and pharmacology. We rarely think about sickness beforehand and are often totally unprepared for it when it happens. Suddenly, there we are, subject to a standard treatment protocol.

Darrel Moellendorf learned this by experience during a month confined to a solitary and sterile hospital room where he received a life-saving stem cell transplant. His room was somebody’s workspace, his schedule was somebody’s work routine, his immune system was systematically crushed, and his prognosis was out of his hands. There was no assurance that it would all work out.

Having spent thirty years teaching philosophy to college students, He was facing the biggest test of all—perhaps the final exam. These are his reflections before, during, and after his cancer treatment, written in real time. He writes, “My brain was sometimes addled by the chemotherapy that sapped my energy and destroyed my immune system, but I wrote out of the conviction that living well includes living well with disease, and eventually living well facing death.” This memoir expresses the conviction that the virtues of patience, courage, trust, and hope serve us well. A measure of good humor also can’t hurt.